Are Your Ducks in a Row?
“My ducks are absolutely not in a row. I don’t even know where some of them are…and I’m pretty sure one of them is a pigeon.”
If I could use a quote to explain the last 2 years of my life this would be it! It was chaos at its finest! Ducks? Was I supposed to have ducks? And were they supposed to be in a row? Oh no they were all over the place and I’m pretty sure one of them was a pigeon!
Here’s your reminder that it is 100% ok to not have it all figured out.
Chaos is a part of life. Especially when you are experience big changes. I feel like unless you’ve experienced chaos, you can’t possibly understand what clarity and stability feels like. And I’m starting to finally (after 2 years mind you) find some clarity.
I am a recovering perfectionist. When I was younger it was literally my goal to be the perfect __________________ fill in the blank. I remember reading Cosmo magazine and adapting my personality to fit “the perfect girlfriend”. I was the perfect student, tried to be the perfect friend, and did anything I could to get my older sister to like me. This resulted in a heavy dose of people pleasing and an inability to set boundaries especially with my friends, family and boyfriends. I spent a lot of my life doing things other people thought I “should” do. This led to a lot of anxiety around making decisions.
This is something I’m working on. And I’m getting better at it every day. I’m learning that my life moves at a slower pace and that works way better for me. I’m discovering that there’s nothing wrong with me, and I’m learning to work with my energy so that I can start making better decisions as myself. The most important thing I have learned is that life is not perfect and it’s never going to be. That I am my own worst critic so it’s important to get a handle of when the negative committee starts getting out of hand. I’ve worked hard to retrain my brain and tell myself that it’s not ok to beat myself up when I mess up or when my life does not look “perfect”. My life is perfect and I’m exactly where I need to be, even though the voice in the back of my head still whispers “Perfect? Yeah Right.”
What is perfect anyway? Isn’t it based on other people's perception of how life “should” be?
How the perfect girlfriend “should” act. Where we “should” be at this point in our lives. Here’s a little dose of truth…
Ain’t nobody got it all figured out!
When I discovered Human Design it made so many things clearer for me. It allowed me to embrace the pigeons in my personality. The fact that I am swayed by other people's thoughts, that it does take me some time in order to make a solid decision, and that its normal for me to feel the pressure of other people's expectations. It also taught me that there’s nothing wrong with me, I just didn’t understand how to work with my energy so that I was honoring my process.
I’m learning to look at my life and allow it to be what it is. Messy, chaotic, hard, challenging, stressful, unpredictable, beautiful, meaningful, inspiring, uplifting, and funny. Life is all of these things. It’s not perfect! What does perfect mean anyway? It’s all based on someone else’s perception.
Practice the art of allowing. Allowing things to be as they are without judgement or trying to change it. If you’re going through something hard or challenging, allow it to be. Be ok with the fact that you are just at a challenging point in your life and life is not easy right now. But know it won’t always be this way, because change is inevitable. It’s going to be ok, you’re going to get through this, and things are going to work out for you.
Life is a journey. We’re here to learn and grow from our challenges, and to inspire others to overcome theirs. That’s what I think it really is about. It’s definitely not about it being “perfect.”
So if you feel like your ducks aren’t in a row, or you’ve lost some of them along the way, or perhaps maybe they are all pigeons, I just want you to know that that’s ok and that you are enough.
Celebrate your pigeons and one day they will turn into doves.
Gwen