Where do you start, when you don’t know where to start...
We’ve all heard stories of the people who have dug themselves out from the bottom of the pit of despair and how now they are stronger and better than ever. We hear about the depressed part and we hear about the success, and how wonderful their life is now, but we hardly ever hear about the space in between. What did it take to get them from a low place to a higher one. Where does someone start?
I was in one of these holes when my daughter was 2. I literally felt like the joy for life had been sucked from my body. That nothing made me excited anymore. And although on the surface everything looked like a happy family, I was not happy and I felt like something was horribly wrong with me. I had gotten to the point where I had to figure this out. I was on a mission to find out what was wrong with me. I didn’t want to be the depressed mom. I wanted my life back, I wanted my joy back. And I wanted to have a healthy relationship with my daughter.
What I know now is that this process of fining yourself does not happen over night and there is no magic pill you can take. I’ve learned that its ugly and uncomfortable, humbling, and shattering. And throughout the process it’s heart opening, expanding, uplifting, and there’s a freeing, limitlessness to it all. The more I have learned to step into the uncomfortable, and the more I do the things that scare me, the freer I become. The less chained I am to old thoughts and behaviors and the less people’s “trips” bother me.
Long term change, happens in small baby steps and the real key to change lies beneath the realizations that come to you along the way. Once you can admit to your own patterns and limitations, you start noticing them over and over and over again, until you decide to do something about it. Throughout this process, you have to retrain the way you think and what you say to yourself. You have to be your biggest cheerleader. Because no one is going to congratulate you on getting out of bed in the morning, but you are. You have to catch yourself in your moments of weakness, and either sit with them or admit to the fact that maybe there is something you need to do differently. It’s a very humbling experience. The real truth lies in the fact that the only thing you have control over is yourself. And this is what allows you to step back into your personal power.
My process did not start with affirmations or positive thinking or focusing on what I was grateful for, because honestly that is bullshit advice for someone who can’t find their joy? Anyone who is going through something and feels really shitty about themselves or their lives or their current situation does not want to hear, “Well look on the bright side”, “Focus on the positive”. When I heard those things I wanted to punch that person in the face! Because I couldn’t see those things. The only things I could focus on were all of the things that were going wrong. All of the things I wanted and didn’t have!
If you’re at this stage of your life, or you know someone that is, please share this with them, I want you to know that I’ve been there. And it took some time. I had to make some big terrifying changes in my life and I work hard every day to create a better me. I have used all kinds of different methods along my journey, but knowing my Human Design helped me see that I am wired to go through periods of highs and lows. That my process is slower and that in the end there really wasn’t anything wrong with me, I just didn’t understand how MY energy worked.
Each person comes in as a unique individual. Knowing your Human Design helps to make sense of so many things! It’s incredibly healing to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you. That this is just how your mechanics work and they are different than everyone elses. It gives you to tools and permission you need to honor your own process. It’s not about being like everyone else, it about living and experiencing life as youand finding the gifts that you bring to this world.
My biggest piece of advice for people who are feeling stuck, is to take one very small baby step at a time and congratulate yourself on your very small baby step. Allow yourself to be in a stage of your life where things are just going to be shitty for a while. And realize that YOU are the only one who will ever be able to change it.
Mel Robbins has this great saying that “No one’s coming to save you”. And I think that was one of my biggest motivators, because I knew she was right. You are the only one who can change the course of your life. You are the one who controls your decisions, your reactions, and the actions you take. And it is 100% ok to change direction and pivot. You are never stuck, you just haven’t found the way out YET.
Learning how to appropriately process my emotions has allowed me to separate myself from them. My emotions aren’t who I am, but they are how I feel and they tell the stories of my past. It’s up to me to decide what action I’m going to take in order to alleviate their pressure.
I wanted to share with you some of the very first steps that I took to help me move out of my dark place. Download my Baby Step Guide for Getting Unstuck. These steps are small. And it doesn’t start with doing anything or changing your behavior. It’s more about observing and interrupting, and getting to witness how you handle life at your current stage. Observation is the first step to change.
If you’re going through a hard time, and you’re feeling stuck I hope these small steps can help you or someone you love. Its somewhere to start when you don’t know where to start or what to do, but you know you don’t want to feel like this anymore. Know that life moves in phases and this just happens to be that “phase”. You will get through it baby step by baby step.
Download your Free Baby Step Guide
From my heart to yours,
Gwen